SATIRICAL TRUMP ON SIERRA LEONE: Will the real Donald Trump please stand up???
TRUMP ON SIERRA LEONE
(VERY AMUSING)
PONDER MY THOUGHTS
BY Andrew Keili
This letter by Donald Trump is in response to recent news making the rounds in social media about his purported comments on Sierra Leone. His letter dissociating himself from this issue and providing greater clarity on his views is reproduced here unedited.
"Dear good people of Sierra Leone,
My attention has been drawn to a letter making the rounds and purportedly written by me on your country Sierra Leone. My first inclination when my aides told me about it was to just brush it aside, as the last thing I wanted to do was to engage some drug infested South American country shipping drugs and immigrants to our great America. When I was however told that your country is in West Africa and only owes this strange name to a Portuguese explorer who discovered your country, my interest was rekindled and I actually got to read the letter. I could understand your government's frustration in having to denounce this letter as being false-which it is. In any case with so much planning going into my campaign at present and with having to beat off the challenge from Cruz and Kasich, why would I waste my precious breath on a far flung out third world country always recovering from one disaster after another?
First of all I would never make a statement like: “Look at African countries like Sierra Leone for instance-those people are stealing from their own government and go to invest the money in foreign countries." Why would I state what is so obvious in a letter? To be fair to you, other African countries make you look like boy scouts in this area. On the question of your people hiding in the USA, again this is stating the obvious. Why would I want you colonised again for a hundred years. I know you know very little about leadership and self governance but this will be a waste of our tax payers money.
By the way I am still hopeful that 55 years after independence your government will be able to provide basic services but it is left with you to push them because the people get the government they deserve.
I know there are many of your compatriots who would be satisfied in rubbing the good name of your government in the mud. My investigations have however indicated your government may not be that bad. In fact there are many things being done that I could identify with.
I sympathise with you in a way that people can come into your country and fleece you. My great wall idea which I intend to build on the border with Mexico will not work for you however for various reasons. There are so many entrances to Guinea and Liberia that I would not know where to build a wall. Besides what's the point of building a wall when I hear that any crook can simply fly into your Lungi airport and be welcomed by immigration officials? In any case your passports are easily available so there is hardly any point.
I note the recent attempt by your government to placate women. As I have stated before: "Women are one of the great acts of all time. The smart ones act very feminine and needy, but inside they are real killers. The person who came up with the expression ‘the weaker sex’ was either very naive or had to be kidding. I have seen women manipulate men with just a twitch of their eye — or perhaps another body part." Your President has now got a good number of them into your cabinet and there are lots that have been given other appointments. Your leaders are too mindful of the media and must have been swayed by the hue and cry from women's groups. In any case they have been appointed and this is now water under the bridge. I would have put them into a cabinet in my kitchen. On the positive side there is always some merit in having some young beautiful piece of a.s to sit round the table with decision makers. I could empathise with this. You however have to be careful they don't scare men off if they have faces like Carly Fiorina. Boy, that woman scared the hell out of me! Good she dropped out of the race.
I also wanted to warn you about Muslims but then my team tells me about 60 percent of you are Muslims. Until you are able to determine and understand this Muslim problem and the dangerous threat it poses, your country will fall victim to horrendous attacks by people that believe only in jihad, and have no sense of reason or respect for human life. I am however heartened by the fact that you don't seem to have fundamentalists although I am told that some have started dressing themselves up and covering their faces. Be careful about this. There is hardly any point deporting the majority of the people in your country but you gotta watch those Muslims. They could become easily radicalised. I hear you even allow Christians to marry them. In any case that is your business. If you get along with them, fine but watch them.
Another advice I have for you is about leadership. Do not for one moment consider having leaders with low energy like Jeb Bush. Elect leaders who exude leadership and have high Energy. From what I hear your leaders seem to, without exception have high energy. How do I know? Well I have heard about the nocturnal activities of many of them and it really makes me jealous. I mean how do they keep up with it and do their work? This is one area in which you have no problem. Melania will be jealous of me if I had such energy.
I wish I could advise you about the management of your economy but I will refrain from advising any country whose economy is frankly speaking a fraction of my business empire. You guys have to buck up.
I also hear you guys are very religious. I am as well, but I have something against the Catholics. I mean why would Pope Francis keep poking his nose into my business. He says I cannot be Christian because I plan to build a wall. Where is it stated in the Bible that building a wall is a bad thing? What about the walls of Jericho? What about Nehemiah's wall? Nehemiah is a man after my heart but the wall I plan to build across the Mexico border is taller and longer that what he built. In any case I hear you guys actually disobeyed him by not allowing his appointed Bishop to take over your Makeni Diocese. Good for you to exert your independence! But I hear he sent you an Italian Bishop? My mind goes into overdrive however at some of your decisions. An Italian Bishop?
Like your politicians, I subscribe to the view that a little bit of violence in politics may not be such a bad thing. I call it arm twisting! Look what my campaign Manager Corey Lewandowski did to keep an offending journalist quiet. Can you imagine he has been charged to court? I hear some of your parties beat the hell out of opponents-not bad at all for a democracy in which you are trying to keep everybody in a straight and narrow path. Discipline is important.
I have actually thought of building resorts for your tourist industry. Boy, your beaches and coastal areas are beautiful! But is it true you can sell the same land to several people and get away with it? If that's the case I'll hold off for a moment. I'm a real estate mogul but would hate to have your land "moguls" pull the wool over my eyes.
You know some people have asked me how I manage to beat my opponents when I have no policies to speak of. The answer is simple...dumb everything down so that all they pick up is positive sound bites! I have roughnecks that would vote for me anytime as I trump up the rhetoric of bombing ISIS to oblivion, building walls to keep rascal immigrants out, torture terrorist suspects etc. I am glad your politicians have also caught on to this. I heard about your "4 for 4" and "de Pa de woke" slogans-sleek. Good job! Your politicians are learning fast.
I however have to be honest to say I am disappointed in your police and Judiciary. I heard the police take "orders from above"? Can you imagine our police taking orders all the time from Obama and his damn cronies? I also heard about your judiciary-the only thing they cannot do with the law is to turn a man into a woman. I cannot say I am surprised. What can you say about people who still wear that old fashioned British whig-of course you cannot expect them to hear anything! Here is what I would do if I were you...I will ban all whigs and gowns. We are not too concerned about that out here. When we do not want Obama to appoint another liberal judge to our Supreme Court, we simply refuse to have congressional hearings, There are ways of keeping these people at bay. You go figure!
In ending I wish to reiterate that I would never dream of meddling into your business. It would be too complex. The last thing I would want to do is attempt anything that would discourage you from implementing your Agenda For Prosperity that will take your country into the realm of middle income countries. Good luck to you... you never know... you may be a haven for Obama to settle in when I take over.
Well, I will leave you alone as I don't want to go from Trump to tramp.
Your friend,
The Donald."
Ponder my thoughts
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